SERMONS

By Don Jenkins, Guest Preacher
June 21, 2009

Today is Father’s Day: a day to honor fathers. Here at Bethany, we extend that to Men’s Day, to be more inclusive and celebrate all men.

I’ve been blessed in my life to have experienced, loved, and been loved by wonderful fathers and great men; to name just a few: my father, my father-in-law, my maternal grandfather, and my wife’s grandfather. I would say, these would be the most prominent and influential in my life, especially my father and father-in-law.

These were all very different men and they were also very different fathers. Each in his own way was a role model for me. They taught me many things, but it wasn’t so much what they said or told me as much as it was what they did. For the most part, their lives were about doing the right things, not just talking about what is right or wrong…good or bad.

They weren’t perfect, any one of them. They were very human…and after all, that’s the point. Being human is the great lesson from Jesus: to struggle and face adversity, setbacks, betrayal, disappointment, loss…but through it all, they each knew joy, experienced love in its fullest sense (by that, I mean loving others and, most definitely, being loved!). They lived full lives, rich with experiences, and they were, in my opinion, successful in the ways that truly matter.

In my last time up here to speak with you, I mentioned that my father was a farmer and a man of relatively few words (you may have guessed, I took after my mother). My father-in-law was very different – he was a man of many words. We got along very well and enjoyed wonderful times together. My father and father-in-law also were able to get to know each other and they enjoyed each other’s company when they were able to spend time together. Their lives were separated by many things: geographically (east vs west coast, size (5’7” vs 6’4”), personality (introvert vs extrovert), political views (conservative vs liberal), vocationally (farmer vs salesman); but they had us in common and, in spite of their many differences, they found a lot of common ground in their times together.

One gift to me from their times together was being able to hear what my father thought of me. He was able to say things about me to my father-in-law that he was unable to express directly to me. My father-in-law was also able to tell my father things about me that I was unable to tell him myself. I don’t know if this is unusual. I do know that others have talked about father-son relationships, especially in the South, as being unique, different, and, often challenging.

Both of these men, my father and my father-in-law lived lives full of doing the right things. In many respects, their lives were about serving others, doing for others, working hard, and doing good work…in fact: doing the right things.

One of my favorite quotes is from a fellow by the name of Peter Drucker, a noted author and writer about management and leadership. He said, “the pertinent question is not how to do things right, but how to find the right things to do.” “The pertinent question is not how to do things right, but how to find the right things to do.”

Last week, I mentioned something Tony Robinson spoke of frequently in his ministry: “Let go and let God be God.” This concept is closely related to my topic today of doing the right thing. Parker Palmer, a wonderful writer, teacher and activist, asserted in his book The Active Life, the importance of doing the right thing. To paraphrase, if we do the right things, results will take care of themselves. This is another way of saying let go and let God be God. God will take care of the results if we take care to do the right things.

In our culture, we often over-emphasize outcomes, results, and at times, we’ve seen people justify certain behaviors with “the end justifies the means.” I don’t agree with that. In fact, I strongly disagree with that. The means to the end must be right in order for the outcome – the “end” – to be right. In golf, (I am not a very good golfer and I don’t play very much, which is of course, why I’m not a very good golfer), this isn’t always the case.

My brother Ron (who is a very good golfer) watched me hit an approach shot to the green. Now, that’s a shot that’s supposed to go up in the air and land somewhere close to the pin. Well, I didn’t get under the ball so it just scooted along the ground; but it ended up on the green anyway and actually, not very far from the hole. My brother turned to me and said, “in golf, it’s not how, it’s how many.” He was referring to the number of strokes (the results), not how pretty or well-executed the shots are). In life, that’s not true. It is about how. It’s about doing the right thing and it’s also about doing them for the right reasons.

Another take on this is captured by a phrase familiar to many of us “it’s the journey, not the destination.” My good friend and former member of Bethany, John Boonstra told me a variation of this once: “it’s not about answers for the destination, but questions for the journey.” Asking the right questions and seeking answers, sincerely and honestly, with an open mind will help us in our faith journeys. It will help us find the right things to do along the way.

“Doing the right thing” is like many things in life. It’s about little things done on a daily basis and it’s also about bigger things, like choosing a mate or a vocation and other important life decisions. I guess you could say it’s about little right things and big right things. Let’s talk about the little right things first.
I think doing the right things on a consistent basis can be aided by forming right habits. I’m a big believer in habits as my future son-in-law, Andy can attest. I once told him that I’m a creature of extreme habit because of many of the things I do in the very same way. Most of those things are quite mundane and not very important (how I clean the kitchen, iron a shirt, for example). I find comfort in many of the “routines” of life.

Forming good habits for life skills is very important, such as how, when and what you eat, exercise, and recreation (physically and mentally). It’s also how you greet and treat people you encounter throughout your day – all of these can become good habits that support “doing the right thing.”
Chris, our son, works at Nordstrom. Nordstrom is known for what? (customer service). I worked at Nordstrom many years ago too. I remember seeing a sign on a co-worker’s desk that helped define for me what that concept was all about. It read, “Customer service begins with how we treat and serve each other.” This can easily translate into how we live our lives: “Service to humankind begins with how we treat and serve each other.”

The main point I want to make here (and I’ve been told by a good friend of mine that I really to need to make a point!)…my point is that what we do, ultimately defines us. If you behave a certain way long enough, it becomes part of you or rather you become that way. This was an idea a friend told me he read in a book by Teilhard de Chardin, a visionary French Jesuit, paleontologist, biologist, and philosopher, who lived in the early part of the 20th century. He said if you act like a good person long enough, you’ll become a good person.

This was in contrast to my thinking at the time, which was influenced by a fascination since college with eastern religions and the pursuit of “enlightenment.” What I referred to this as “Inside-Out versus what I perceived in my western religious experience as “Outside-In.” The emphasis with Inside-Out is finding inner peace and harmony within and letting that influence how you act or behave. How you were on the inside determined to a great extent what you did. Right thinking and right being, led to “right doing.”

Well, my friend asserted – and I now believe – that it’s not about one or the other “Outside-In or Inside-Out. It’s both. We accept grace, and the inner peace that comes, freely given. We seek to know God and live according to God’s will. We strive to do God’s work in the world. Our inside being “informs” and influences our outside behavior. Our outside behavior informs who we are on the inside.

Now, for the “big right things.” For big decisions in life or when you face circumstances you’ve never encountered before, habits may not help very much. In such cases, I believe discernment is required for determining the right thing to do. Discernment – now there’s a difficult concept to get your arms around!

I have a certain meaning in mind when I use that word, but I looked it up to see if my use of it is in line with the traditional definition. I found a number of synonyms and some interesting nuances centered around “the power to see what is not evident…” According to Webster:
• Discernment – stresses accuracy as in reading character, motives…
• Discrimination – stresses the power to distinguish or select the excellent, the true
• Perception – implies quick discernment and delicate feeling
• Penetration – implies a searching mind that goes beyond the reach of the senses
• Insight – suggests depth of discernment and understanding sympathy
• Acumen – implies characteristic penetration combined with keen judgment
• Divination – implies instinctive insight.

The last one in particular – divination – is helpful for what I’m trying to convey. Finding the right things to do through discernment means getting in touch with the divine within us all. Connecting with the source of all wisdom and understanding that transcends our own ability and our own selves. That reminds me of the song, “Out Beyond.” “Out beyond, ideas or right and wrong, there’s a field of understanding, I’ll meet you there.” These are paraphrased words of Rumi,: a 13th-century Persian poet, Islamic jurist, theologian, and mystic.[) By the way, according to Wikipedia, ”mystic” may refer to a person who seeks the truth of life beyond the five senses.

At one point, early in my life, it occurred to me that decisions about big right things seemed almost to make themselves. Somehow, I believe this may be related to the concept of letting go and letting God be God. For the big right things, be still and listen…pray, but in a more meditative sense (not so much about asking for something and certainly not about demanding answers from God)…wait (something I’m not very good at). Ultimately, it’s about doing the right thing.

The fathers I’ve known were not extraordinary men, except perhaps to those of us who knew and loved them. They really were just ordinary people who I believe lived extraordinarily well. They lived well because they did the right thing. And we should too.

Happy Father’s Day!